New Designer Trout Species a Big Hit with Anglers!

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First Annual TroutMasters Classic Winners Announced!

April 1, 2008, 6:06am AF NewsWire, Pigeon Bluff, TN, Reported by Sally Petitebouche

The winner of the first annual TroutMasters Classic was announced today in Pigeon Bluff, Tennessee.  Randy-Bob Snyder was crowned trout king after hauling in a hefty limit of bruiser trout and salmon. Event organizer Elmo Haskins explained how biologists have been secretly working to develop a strain of salmon and brook trout that grow to prodigious proportions, have a tremendous leaping ability, give up the fight quickly and taste great.  Earlier attempts to organize similar events failed, due to the puny size and spunky nature of wild, native brook trout.

After extensive market research, these "designer" trout and salmon were developed. Haskins explained, " Them good ol' boy biologists even made them critters climate-change-friendly." Reportedly, the new and improved trout and salmon can live in water up to15 degrees warmer than the original inferior natives. Federal officials are claiming this obviates the need for further restoration work on New England rivers. 

Fed a steady diet of hormone-laced bass fingerlings, the new trout and salmon have a flavor similar to farm-raised catfish. Celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse is authoring a new cookbook featuring the new strain of trout. Claiming to be an avid fly fisherman, Lagasse said, "These babies really crank it up a notch! None of that sissy hatch matching for these babies! Sling out that six-inch deceiver, let it sink, strip like hell and BAM!! Trout heaven! And they fry-up real good too!" 

Event organizers were happy to disclose that the new and improved versions of the old stand-by species are predicted to be able to supplant weaker native species and provide great sport for anglers throughout the country.  Once the new species were unveiled, a bidding war ensued between ESPN, FOX Sports and NBC for broadcast rights. The sold out commercials and huge crowds that the event drew were enough for Trout Unlimited to accept a partnership with NASCAR. Although officials from both organizations deny it, initiation of a new NASTROUT circuit is rumored to be ready by next fishing season.

TroutMaster tournament champ Randy-Bob Snyder hoists his winning catch. Snyder announced that some of his $1.5 million first prize would be used as seed-money to rebuild dams on local New Hampshire Rivers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking for opportunities to supplement declining license revenues, the New Hampshire Fish and Game Department will be opening a new Regional office at the speedway/hatchery in Louden, NH that will oversee stocking of these new and improved salmonids in local waters. They will also sell T-shirts, TroutMaster action figures and trout sandwiches to build up their budget.  Governor John Lynch expects toll revenues from Massachusetts alone to enable widening of I-93 and building of new hatcheries to accomodate the huge fish that will be raised. Governor Lynch, responding to a question about why he was now willing to direct some state funds to Fish and Game, which had never been the case in the past, said, "We can't afford to be wasting money on restoring native fish. But these new improved trout represent an investment in the future. Designer fish are the NEW New Hampshire way."  

Reliable sources report that TU head honcho Charles Gauvin was seen going into confidential meetings with BassMaster founder Forest Scott.  Insiders claim TU may be ready to make their move on BASS Masters and invade their waters. There is concern among bass anglers that these exotic, invasive trout will become the "new bass."

For more photos click here> (imbécile d'avril)